We’re all experiencing grief right now. It might look and feel a bit different from what normally comes to mind when we think of “grief”, but ultimately that’s what it is.
We’re grieving the loss of life - both the actual loss of life of those who have died of COVID-19, as well as the sudden loss of our “normal” lives. It feels like overnight the world we knew changed and we’re mourning what we once took for granted like meeting friends for dinner, going to the gym, or even shaking hands with someone we just met. Many of us are grieving the loss of stable income and aren’t sure when we’ll be able to find jobs again.
We’re also grieving the loss of the futures we had in mind for ourselves - whether it’s postponing a wedding or graduation, changes to who is allowed in the delivery room when giving birth, the move we were supposed to make, or the new job we were supposed to start. We had plans and dreams that suddenly seemed to have vanished or have drastically changed on us.
Nothing feels certain - other than the fact that we’re experiencing grief.
As we deal with our own grief, it’s important to remember that in many ways this is a collective grief. Every single one of us is affected by this pandemic in our own way.
This is particularly important to remember when it comes to work. While I always believe that our life outside of work influences our life at work (and visa versa), for those of us still working, this is the case now more than ever. It’s nearly impossible to separate the grief we are feeling (whether it pertains to work or not) from our work.
As a leader, it’s rare to be processing your own grief and uncertainty while also helping your team members do the same - and even more rare that it’s affecting every single member of your team.
While it’s rare and weird and uncomfortable, this is exactly the time when it’s important for you to show up as a leader. The way you act sets an example for your team and your team needs to know you care and are there for them.
Not totally sure where to start? Here are some ways you can support your team during this time of grief.
Quick side note before we get started: While in some ways this post is tailored to people managers, by no means do you need to be a manager in order to be a “leader” right now. You can show up as a leader on your team by being a positive presence for your teammates and these tips can help you do just that.
How to support your grieving team:
1. Take care of yourself
First things first, take care of yourself! Not only will it help you can show up for others, but it will also set an example for your team. If you’re just pushing through and not allowing your humanness to show, your team is going to have a harder time coming to you with their own struggles. If they’re not sharing, then you won’t know what’s going on under the surface and won’t be able to support them to the level they need it.
By prioritizing your own self-care and mental health, you’re setting an example that it’s okay for your team to do so as well.
2. Start your meetings with personal check ins
At the beginning of each meeting, give time to talk about to your team members about how they’re holding up before diving into your meeting agenda. It doesn’t have to be anything formal - just allowing your team the space to share and connect. To the extent that you feel comfortable, it can be helpful to share some of your own experience so your team members know it’s okay to open up.
It’s also important to make sure your team members know that sharing is optional. It’s more about creating the space for them in case they feel the need to talk, rather than forcing anyone to discuss personal things. People often feel more comfortable opening up in smaller settings, so you can go deeper in your 1-on-1 meetings if any team members would like to do so.
3. Remember everyone has different reactions to stress
Each of us deals with stress differently. Some of your team members may deal with stress by throwing themselves into their work. Others may need to take their foot off the gas a bit. Some may cling routine and structure, while others may feel adrift.
Meet your team members where they are. Give them the space to share how you can best support them and try not to compare their reactions to one another. As Brené Brown says, “What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” Try to look at their reactions without judgement and support them accordingly.
4. Create a culture of carE
This can be a very lonely time for people, especially if this is their first time working from home. Encourage your team to check in on one another regularly - and not just about work. This will help them feel more connected to their colleagues while stuck at home.
Check ins and virtual connections could look like a whole range of things from virtual coffee breaks to recipe shares to virtual happy hours to sending cute animal videos. The possibilities are endless!
Work with your team and get creative about how you connect with and care for one another. By getting your team involved in creating some fun check ins, they’ll have more ownership over the idea and be more engaged.
If this isn’t already part of your team culture, this is a perfect time to implement a culture of community care. We could all benefit from knowing that we’ve got a team looking out for us, couldn’t we?
5. Don’t expect business as usual
Right now isn’t normal and therefore, you can’t expect everything to be business as usual. Not only is your team experiencing grief, but so are the other departments in your company, as well as your customers and vendors. Yes, the show must go on, but lead with empathy in all of your interactions. Everyone is doing the best they can.
When prioritizing work for your team, focus on the items that 100% truly need to get done in the near term. Be more flexible with deadlines for the rest.
If your team is customer facing, encourage them to keep in mind the ways their customers are being affected by this pandemic and collective grief as well. Remind them that while there are deals that need to be closed and deadlines to be met, their customers will appreciate being met with empathy and respect during their conversations and interactions.
This situation won’t last forever, but people will remember how you treated them during this time.
6. Provide additional support to employees who have children at home or are caregivers to family members
I cannot imagine how difficult it is for anyone who is trying to work full-time from home while also having their children home or providing care to other family members. It’s hard enough to focus on work as it is, but adding these additional responsibilities can lead to extremely high levels of stress. These team members likely need additional support and empathy from you.
It’s important to acknowledge what these team members are going through. Validate their experience and remind them that you’re there for them.
Maybe that looks like reworking your 1-on-1 meeting schedule with a team member to accommodate her two-year-old’s nap schedule. Maybe that looks like figuring out with your team how you can reassign specific tasks to help lighten up a team member’s load so he can also take care of his grandma who lives with him. Maybe that looks like sharing age appropriate virtual music or dance classes for a team member’s child so they can have a break from their constant attention.
Each team member has specific needs as a result of their home situation - work with them individually to determine how you can best be there for them.
Showing up as a leader right now isn’t always easy. There are true pressures of your businesses that need to be balanced with the human reality we’re experiencing.
Ultimately, the more you can lead with empathy and show your team that you truly care about the very real experience of grief that we are all processing, the better you’ll be able to support them.
Have any other tips for supporting your team that are working well in your organization? Please share in the comments below!
Stay safe and be well,
Carolyn